I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
