I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
