Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
