Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
