I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
