mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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