you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
