allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
