Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize