That's intense
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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