Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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