i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
