I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
