At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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