i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
