remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
