so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
