she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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