Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
