textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
