Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
