Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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