You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
