Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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