Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
