If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
