ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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