I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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