I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
