I hope mine doesn't look like that
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
