So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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