Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize