just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
