hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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