Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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