just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
