Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i think my cat just said my name.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
