Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
