Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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