2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
