____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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