you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
