Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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