but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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