they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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