I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
