i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
