how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
