Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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