You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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