My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
