i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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