how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
