i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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