I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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