Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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