Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
