I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can't turn off my feet"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
