I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
