i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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