He had one of those small greek statue penises
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
