Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
