i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
