If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
