just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
