Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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