I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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