bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
FUCK WHALES
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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