Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
