I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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