After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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