Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
