is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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