I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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