I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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